


A Knight's Road to Recovery

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: #tw karkat's self loathing, #tw self harm, F/M, and rosekan if you squint, gamzee is only mentioned, i don't know why i tagged him tbh, it's basically an au oneshot i did based off a rp turned au, its mainly kankat though, its pale kankat, like once hes not in this at all, tez is mentioned in here too.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-07
Updated: 2012-12-07
Packaged: 2017-11-20 13:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/585804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Karkat Vantas' behavior is very different from the usual, and this worries Kanaya, so she sets out to investigate, turns out, he has a problem, a life threatening one, and she takes it upon herself to help him, whether he likes it or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Knight's Road to Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Hi! Here have a Kankat paleshot, its in an au where they are still on the meteor and things happen, basically it's from an rp me and my moirails are still doing. Enjoy!  
> One thing to say about this: 
> 
> PESTER/TROLLIAN LOGS ARE SUCH A BITCH TO EDIT ARGHHHHHHHHHHH AJSF;KDSAFJKLSDF.

“Karkat, I have a question to ask of you.” Kanaya asked the troll in question.

“What is it, Kanaya?” He replied.

“Where have you been?"

“What do you mean?” He asked, confused.

“Well, I haven’t seen you in a while, that’s all.” She answered.

“That’s maybe because you’re too busy doing stuff with Rose.”

“As of late, Rose and I haven’t spoken.”

“Why is that?”

“She went into another dream bubble and hasn’t returned, or was it a time loop? I am not sure.”

“Oh.”

“You haven’t answered _my_ question, yet, by the way.” 

“I was in my room.”

“Doing what, may I ask?”

“The usual.”

“Define the usual.”

“You know the usual.” He repeated, not wanting to answer anymore than that.

“I don’t understand.”

“You know what?”

“What?”

“Forget it, leave me alone. I’m going back to my room.”

With that, Karkat turned his heel, and left ( more like retreated) back towards to the vicinity of his room. Kanaya sighed and went off to go towards her own, once she was inside though, she took her computer off the table it was on, placed it in her lap, and turned it on, opening a chat with the Cancer.

~*GA started a private chat with CG~*

GA: Karkat  
CG: OH HEY, KANAYA.  
GA:Hello  
GA: Dont Try To Distract Me With Pleasantries   
CG: I WASN’T TRYING TO.  
GA: Oh Okay   
CG: ANY REASON WHY YOU STARTED CHATTING WITH ME?  
GA: I Was Just Wondering Why Are You Acting Oddly As Of Today  
CG: I TOLD YOU THERE ISN’T ANYTHING WRONG WITH ME.   
CG: IF THERE *WAS* ANYTHING TO BE OF WORRY. WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU AND WHY WOULD YOU CARE?   
GA: Well If I Said My Reason For Caring Was The Fact That I Am One Of Your Friends   
CG: JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! OKAY? I’M PERFECTLY FINE! JUST FINE! GO BOTHER SOMEONE ELSE! STRIDER, TEREZI, HELL GO FUCKING BOTHER JUST GO.   
GA: Are You Experiencing And Or In Another Episode Of Yours That Might Be The Reason You Are Pushing Me Away To Go And I Quote Bother Someone Else  
CG: WHAT?! NO!?  
GA: Denial Often Means The Truth  
CG: NO! NO IT DOESN'T KANAYA!  
GA: Why Yes It Does   
GA: However If You Do Not Think So That Is Fine With Me I Am Not One To Be Offended By Someone Elses Opinion Since Everyone Is Entitled To Their Own  
CG: YEAH, I KNOW.  
Conversation Over I Suppose  
CG: PRETTY MUCH.  
GA: Goodbye Karkat It Was A Pleasure Chatting With You   
CG: BYE KANAYA!  


*~CG closed the private chat with GA~*

****  
_~Afterwards~_  


His sickle in hand, Karkat sat in his room, illuminated only by the light of the open laptop in front of him, silently cursing and crying to himself, bright-red colored tear tracks running the sides of his face, a pang of guilt running throughout him after lying to the Virgo troll through chat. He had been like this though, crying and cursing to himself, the addition of the pang of guilt  
was only caused by his previous conversation with her.

“Heh, it’s been a year, a year since I started this, or so I think, I don’t know, I don’t keep track of anything anymore, like anyone ever did. What’s the point,really? Kanaya’s time has been taken by Rose, Hell, I even _lied_ to her so she wouldn’t have to worry, great job there,Vantas. Sollux is somewhere in the dream bubbles with Aradia, Gamzeedisappeared again, and Strider is busy doing some bullshit to impress Terezi, Iguess. “Karkat sighed, paused his rant to catch his breath, resuming a few seconds later.

  


“I should just cull myself off, no one would notice, or find Gamzee and convince him to do it; Kanaya wouldn't she cares too much for me."

Another sigh, and the sickle in his hand put down as he took his sweater sleeves andpushed both of them up slowly, first one then the other, revealing several cuts and wounds scarred over, each longer and wider than the last.

Karkat growled in disgust as he looked over them, the twin candy red waterfalls never ceasing in their flow. The sickle was picked up once again, and went down.

Drag, slice, pause, drag, slice, and pause.

After a while, blood and tears ran down the troll’s arms, intermingling with one another, making one indistinguishable from the other, he had grown light-headed as well, but the troll stubbornly kept going.

Drag, Slice, Drag, Sli-

In the middle of said slice, the sickle fell from Karkat’s hand as he collapsed onto a pool of blood and tears, falling into unconsciousness.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He awoke again, eyes opening and closing a few times before opening completely. Karkat looked around the room he had woken up in, confused and wondering how he had gotten in the first place.

“Where am I? How did I get here? Why am I still _alive_?” Karkat growled the last question, angry at both himself and the person who rescued him.

A few seconds later, a click-clack footstep combination which Karkat recognized them to be belonging to Kanaya, approached.

“You’re awake at last, I was getting worried you wouldn’t.”

“What do you mean, Kanaya?” He asked her, as she dragged a chair over to him and sat down.

“Well,you have been unconscious for about, 3 days?” She paused, and then continued.

“Yes, I’m correct, 3 days.”

“Th-Three days?!” He exclaimed, shocked.

“You’re kidding.” He said, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I never kid, and when I do, you’ll know.”

“Wh-What am I doing in your room then?”

“When can I begin?”

“Whenever you like.”

Karkat replied, oddly quiet and trying to avoid making eye contact with the Sylph.

“But first, I must ask you something?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Whatever made you do that?”

“Do what?”

“You know.”

Kanaya then made a gesturing motion towards the vicinity of Karkat’s bandaged arms.

“Oh, that.”

“Well?”

He looked up, locking eyes with the jade blood, took a breath and started to speak.

“Do you know how it is to keep a straight face and not break down when everyone you care/cared about just outright d-died? To have your mistakes replayed in your head, over, over, and **_over_** again? To keep being reminded that you’re a failure? A worthless waste of space?” The Cancersuddenly stopped talking, his eyes glistening with tears, his lips pursed into a shaking poker face, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed, walking slowly past the Virgo and out of the room, not before turning and saying to her in the most serious voice she had ever heard from the Knight,

  


“Think about _**that**_.” and then he turned, retreating somewhere else.

“Karkat! _**Karkat!**_ Karkat Vantas! _**Karkat Vantas!**_ ” She cried out repeatedly, but it fell on deaf ears, for the Knight had already left. 

Sighing, she ran her fingers worriedly through her hair.

“He needs my help, and I’m going to give it to him, no matter, what’ll it takes.” She said finally, determination in her voice.

 

Standing up, she put the chair back into its place at her sewing table, and set out to start her search for the runaway Knight of Blood.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re such a goddamn idiot, Vantas.” Karkat growled to himself, bringing his knees to his chest, hugging them.

 

“You just _had_ to get yourself knocked out, didn’t you? And just your fucking luck, you were found unconscious by _Kanaya_ nonetheless!"

“She probably has been worried _sick_!”

“Idiot.”

“She’s out looking for you, most likely.”

“Since you, I don’t know, _walked_ out on her?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Karkat? Karkat, where have you gone?” A distressed Kanaya called.

“He wasn’t in his room, oh dear, where _is_ he?!”

In her distress, she didn’t see where she was going and collided with the passing-by Seer of Light.

“Oh, Rose, I deeply apologize, I hadn’t seen you. And I see that you had returned from a dream bubble or was it a time loop?”

“A time loop, and its okay, Kanaya, don’t worry about it.”

“Oh, thank goodness, thank you Rose.”

“You seem to be in distress, what’s wrong, Kanaya?” Rose asked, smiling.

“Well, have you seen Karkat? I’m worried that he had gone off somewhere, we weretalking and he suddenly stood up and left.”

“No, No, I haven’t, I’m sorry.”

“How is he, by the way?

“I am not sure, he had just woken up from unconsciousness, a while earlier.”

“Unconsciousness?! What happened to him?”

“Well, he had more than several open wounds, and they were bleeding profusely when I  
found him in his room.”

“Are they self-inflicted?”

“Judging by the abandoned bloodied sickle next to him, they most likely are.” Kanaya  
frowned, then relayed her previous conversation with the Knight to the Seer.

“Oh, I see. He seems _very_ unlikely himself, don’t you agree?”

“Indeed, I’m sorry, Rose, but I must go, if you excuse me.”

“That’s fine, are you going to look for him?”

Kanaya nodded. “Yes, I am.”

Then the Seer of Light and Sylph of Space went on their separate ways, as the troll was walking, her phone buzzed in her pocket, retrieving and pulling it open, she saw that her Trollian app was open, a chat window blinking with several messages in gray text, and that only meant one troll was chatting with her, and that troll was the same one she was looking for.

CG: HEY KANAYA.  
CG: …  
CG: YOU'RE MAD AT ME, AREN'T YOU?  
CG: YOU PROBABLY ARE.  
CG: GUESS AN APOLOGY WON'T WORK, WOULD IT?  
CG: FUCK IT, I'M DOING IT ANYWAY.  
CG:KANAYA, I'M SORRY.  
CG: I REALLY AM, SORRY THAT IS.  
CG: YES. KANAYA, YOU ARE IN THE PROCESS OF RECIEVING A SINCERE APOLOGY FROM *THE* KARKAT VANTAS.  
CG: DON'T BE SURPRISED. THIS WON'T HAPPEN OFTEN.  
CG:HELL I DON'T FUCKING KNOW IF YOU'RE EVEN READING THIS AT *ALL*!  
CG: I DON'T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE.  
CG: IT'LL BE HERE WHENEVER YOU DO DECIDE TO READ IT.  
CG: IF EVER.  
CG: I'M DONE.  
CG: BYE, I GUESS.  
GA: Actually I Have Been Here The Whole Entire Time  
CG: !!!!  
GA: Oh Im Sorry  
CG: YEAH, YOU KINDA DID, WHEN DID YOU GET HERE?  
GA: Well I Was Walking Then My Phone Buzzed So I Checked To See What Happened And Saw Your Messages  
GA:I Didnt Want To Be Rude And Interrupt So I Waited Until You Were Finished  
CG: SO, WAS MY APOLOGY WORTHY ENOUGH OF YOUR FORGIVENESS?  
GA:I Do Not See Why You Are Apologizing But I Accept It All The Same  
CG: I WAS APOLOGIZING FOR LYING TO YOU AND WALKING OUT ON YOU.  
GA: I Had A Feeling You Would Say That  
CG: YOU DID?  
GA: Yes  
CG: SORRY ABOUT THAT.  
GA: No Harm Has Been Done  
CG: PFFT. YEAH, SURE, KANAYA, ABSOLUTELY NO HARM HAS BEEN DONE.  
GA: I Meant That In A Figurative Sense Not In Any Way Literal  
CG:OH….  
GA: Any Reason Why You Walked Out On Me Any Reason At All  
CG: YOU SEE, I, UHM, I…  
GA: Well  
CG: IT WAS NOTHING, NOTHING AT ALL, I WAS JUST BEING IN ONE OF THOSE MOODS THAT YOU KEEP CALLING EPISODES OR SOME SHIT.  
GA: I See I Am Rather Confused And Worried That You Harm Yourself With Your Sickles  
CG: I JUST DO. YOU WOULDN’T UNDERSTAND, YOU’RE NOT ME.  
GA: Well I Want All Bladed Weapons Of Yours In My Possession As Soon As Possible  
CG: WHAT!? NO! YOU CAN’T HAVE THEM!  
GA: You Heard Me  
GA: I Wont Take No For An Answer  
CG: I WON’T LET YOU HAVE THEM!  
GA: Oh My Is Someone Being Defensive  
CG: I AM *NOT* BEING DEFENSIVE!  
GA: You Most Certainly Are  
GA: Calm Down Karkat I Am Only Trying To Help  
GA: Im Going To Your Room Now To Retrieve Them Whether You Like It Or Not  
GA: Feel Free To Stop Me  
GA: I Will Not Be Stopped   
CG: WHAT?! NO! YOU CAN’T GO TO MY ROOM! THAT’S TRESPASSING!  
GA: I Dont Care You Will Have Them Returned As Soon As You Killed That Nasty Habit Of Yours And Your Wounds Have Completely Healed Over Themselves  
CG: WHATEVER KANAYA.  
GA: Whatever  
GA: Whatever Karkat  
GA: This Is No Laughing Matter  
GA: This Habit  
GA: This Horrible Horrible Habit  
GA: You Were Unconscious In Your Own Room Because Of It  
GA: You Could Of Have Died If I Havent Found You  
GA: My Goodness Why Would You Ever Think To Do That  
GA: Oh Dear I Had Lost My Train Of Though But I Hope You Know How Drastic Of A Risk You Undertook  
CG: …  


~*CG has gone idle*~

  
GA: Karkat Vantas Dont You Even Dare Go Idle In An Attempt Of Ignoring Me  
GA: We Are Not Done Talking  
GA: After I Have Confiscated Everything Needed To Be Confiscated  
GA: I Will Go On A Search To Find You And Wont Stop Until I Have  
GA: Goodbye For Now  


~*GA has gone offline*~

  


With an angry huf, a fuming Kanaya stood, gently placed the laptop back onto the table, before walking out her door, and towards the Cancer's.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, an obviously frightened Karkat shuddered, clutching his phone, in his hiding spot he had found himself.

"She is probably furious with you, great job, Vantas." He sighed, running his hands down his face several times vefore scrubbing at the tear track that had accumulated.

"Why did she had to see me, unconscious in a puddle of digusting mutant blood and tears. She's right though, I almost fucking _bled_ to death and passed out for 3 days. 3 fucking days. Idiot."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kanaya walked out of the Knight's room, arms full of his assorted collection of sickles including the one covered in blood, setting off to find a hiding place for them.

_Now then, where should I hide these? I should find someone to assist me, but the question is, who? I haven't seen Dave in a while, he's probably with Terezi. Rose might have gone into another dream bubble-time loop thing, I don't even know where the clown is." She wondered out loud, hefting the sickles up to prevent them from falling._

__

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Karkat's ears suddenly pricked up, as he heard footsteps accompanied by the click-clack of heels, his eyes widening in shock, he heard Kanaya's voice ring out

"Karkat? Karkat, where are you?"

The footstep-click-clack combo stopped, the Knight holding his breath, then resumed as they got closer and closer to the door, stopped again, and the door swung open, Kanaya stepping inside. 

"Karkat? Are you in here, Karkat? If so, do anything, say anything, please let me know you are in here."

"I don't even know if you are, I probably look foolish, talking to a most likely empty room." She sighed, voice sad and somber.

"I guess, I'll leave."

"K-Kanaya, wait!" Karkat cried out, scrambling to his feet, revealing himself, rushing towards the fleeting Sylph, half-tackling her into a hug, and began crying once more, soaking tears into her shirt.

Kanaya, noticing that a wet feeling from behind her, she turned her head to see that the Knight of Blood had revealed himself, and was now hugging and crying into her shirt. 

"Oh, you're were in here the whole time, Karkat?" 

The Knight nodded, and she twisted her body completely to return the hug, then the process of calming Karkat down began once more, and soon enough, his hiccuping sobs ceased, smiling slightly, she looked down at him, and said.

"Karkat, look at me, please."

He looked up.

"Now, I want you to promise me that, you won't ever harm yourself ever again. Also, to put to memory and thinkpan that you are not anything you think you are, but instead, a great troll who has succeeded in many, many things. You understand?"

Karkat nodded, a small smile on his face. 

_**~A few weeks later~**_

The Knight of Blood's self inflicted wounds had finally healed over completely, thanks of the help of the Sylph's mother-like care, or in their case, lusus-like. There were some bumps in the road, like how Karkat pestered Kanaya daily on the topic where she had hidden his sickles, which she simply refused to reveal.

"You'll be in possession of them again, once you had _completely_ healed, and not before." She said to him, when he asked for the umpteenth time, making him grumble under his breath.

"I heard that." She reprimanded.

"Sorry."

Other than that, it was smooth sailing for both of them, with the exception of Karkat cutting himself open after one day of his sickles being returned to him. 

"Karkat! What did I say?" 

"Sorry, Kanaya. Bad habits die hard."

"Tsk, tsk. This will never do. Bandages won't keep this shut, I will have to sew it closed."

"S-Sew it closed?! W-With a n-ne-needle?!" 

"Yes, a needle, what else did you think I was going to use?"

"S-Something e-else?"

"There isn't anything else, I dearly apologize. I shall return, stay right there." She ordered him, leaving to retrieve her sewing kit, returning, with a threaded needle in hand, sewing kit under arm.

"Wh-What are you going to do w-with that??!!?"

"To close up your wound, of course."

"Give it here."

Karkat shakily walked over to Kanaya, nervous, fortunately for him , she made quick work of the wound and it was closed swiftly and carefully.

Breaking the needle with a pair of scissors, and replacing both items in the sewing kit. 

"Do be more careful next time, and keep your promise." She said.

"I will. Sorry for bothering you, Kanaya." 

"It is not a problem." 

"Bye, Kanaya!"

"Goodbye Karkat."

Then the Sylph of Space and Knight of Blood turned and went on their separate ways.

**Author's Note:**

> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! 
> 
> Leave kudos and comments if you like! 
> 
> Until next time! 
> 
> ~Angel
> 
> Fun fact: the sewing Karkat up part was added as I was uploading this XD, without it, the oneshot was sound like it was rushed and missing something? I don't know. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed. <3


End file.
